do i mean it?

i have decided.

flunking midyears is going to be the best motivation for me. i am going to flunk it and see how badly i will do if i dun study enough. its going to be a lesson or risk that i am prepared to take now, so i can learn for my prelims and most importantly Alevels. tell me that i am crazy. haha. no, think of it in a good way. i am going to flunk for a reason. i am going to test out learning methods and develop it to be personally mine. you might be thinking? learning how to study aft so long? nah, subjects are different, requirement have change to a much more strigent level, i have to start learning again how i learn best.

i dun really wanna see a bolderline grade, yeah, thats cause i am happy to see them. and in a way, less motivated. let me fail hard. let me be hit by reality-- HELLO THY, YOU ARE NOT STUDYING FOR OLEVELS OR NLEVELS ANYMORE! ITS ALEVELS! yeah, this is the best way! you have to know that you suck and there is real need for improvement otherwise you might get involved into some private school conflict next time. (why do i say so? cause when your grades dun make the mark, you will turn to these U-lu school and risk being con, not getting certificate etc...)

yeah. i just blog a whole lot of crap at 218am in the morning. Brenda say my eye is becoming panda lookalike soon. maybe thats why. habouring such thoughts in the early morning is dangerous. goes to show how active my brain is- for the wrong reasons always. yupe.

i wonder how much i am hoping all of the above will come true? do i really mean what i say? i dunno. well, the answer will come soon.